


Loki's Discomfort

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Cap acts like a grandpa, Desperation, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-10-17 18:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17565995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Loki finds his prison cell EXTREMELY inconvenient. Childish dancing ensues..





	1. The Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during Loki's imprisonment in the Hulk-proof cage in the first Avengers film. Just a funny idea of what Loki could possibly be thinking about in the Hulk cage. Inspired by Fury's line "Let me know if 'real power' wants a magazine or something." Enjoy!
> 
> NB: This story features the Time Lords from Doctor Who, as part of the same universe.

Loki had only been locked in the SHIELD cage for 40 minutes when he was reminded. According to his plan, he would just relax and enjoy the solitude until Banner went green as he wanted. Only, he hadn’t factored in the events of the past few days.

 

Asgardians had normally, quite a convenient biology, akin to that of the Time Lords, from Gallifrey. Like the Time Lords, their bladders could retain a lot more liquid than humans. As Asgardians liked to party with alcohol, this came quite handy. This did not apply to Loki, however, as he was not Asgardian. Frost Giants were almost the same, but Loki was not technically a Frost Giant anymore, nor an Asgardian. He was himself, blue with red eyes at certain times, but regardless, had grown up with an almost human bladder. Only almost. His limit was a bit less than that of his brother.

 

It had been three days since he’d been at his HQ, with Selvig and the others. He knew he definitely went to the loo there, before going to Germany, specifically with the intention of avoiding the museum bathrooms. Unfortunately for him, what followed, was him getting captured, and put an empty cage.

 

He felt the uncomfortable pressure in his bladder, politely reminding him of how much time had passed. The need didn’t feel that bad, so he tried to ignore it. It was annoying, and really bad timing, but if his spear was as interesting to his captors as he hoped, he’d be out soon.

 

20 more minutes passed, and his need had gotten worse. He had to keep moving to keep himself from doing anything too obvious, like grabbing himself or crossing his legs, keeping in mind the camera looking straight at him.

 

He was starting really need the loo now. He started looking for options. The most obvious solution involved mentioning his problem to Fury, but cast that aside instantly. He only ever admitted his needs to his brother, so getting assistance from the leader of the organization holding him prisoner, would be beyond humiliating. He started to wonder why Fury hadn’t put a toilet in the cage with him. He knew he had shown godlike abilities, but still LOOKED human enough, so Fury should have no reason to assume he wouldn't need it. He realized it was probably a mix of an oversight, plus the expectation that he might eventually be tired of captivity and tell them the location of the Tesseract. Which is something Loki would gladly give up at this point, for the sake of relief, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he really didn’t know where it was. He hadn’t lied to his brother. So at this moment, he was stuck. In an empty cage with a very NOT empty bladder.

 

He started grabbing his crotch to manage his problem, no longer thinking of the security camera. Thankfully, no one looking at the screen noticed.

He then started hopping up and down. Now, the Avengers noticed. The first to spot it was Natasha. She asked the room:

 

“Hey, guys, what’s up with Loki?”

 

Thor was with Bruce and didn’t see anything. Fury checked out the screen, showing Loki’s hopping.

 

“I dunno. Maybe he’s doing Asgardian callisthenics or something. Whatever, he’s weird. He can do what he wants.”, he replied, making a note to ask Thor later. The fact that he didn’t care, didn’t mean he wasn’t curious.

 

Captain Rogers mused, “Looks restless. Maybe he doesn’t like small spaces.”

 

“Well, then he shouldn’t have stolen from SHIELD. He’s got plenty of space. If it fits the Hulk, he’s got no problem.”, Fury replied.

 

A few more minutes passed, and now Loki was really starting to get desperate. He wouldn’t have noticed the camera if he stared right at it. All his focus was on not wetting himself in his prison cell. He was doing a quite obvious dance on the spot, with a nervous expression on his face.

Steve was the only one paying attention to the screen. He saw Loki making a spectacle of himself, dancing up and down nervously. He made the correct assumption and alerted Agent Romanoff.

 

“I think I figured out what’s wrong with Loki.”, he said, pointing at the potty-dancing Asgardian.

 

“Is it just me, or is he doing a pee-pee dance?”, Agent Romanoff asked, realizing the same as Steve.

 

“Hey, I may have been frozen for 70 years, but I know what really needing to go the bathroom looks like.”, Steve said in agreement.

 

“Well, what we do? We can’t let him out, he’ll escape.”, Nat reminded him.

 

“You seriously think he’s faking it?”, Steve asked.

 

“Of course not, but we gotta think about security.”, Nat replied.

 

“Well, I’m more worried about his bladder. We gotta do something.”, Steve said, concerned.

 

They resolved to ask Thor for advice. After all, it was his brother. Thor barely needed a glimpse of his brother, to see the problem.

 

 _Oh Loki..,_ Thor thought to himself.

 

“You’re sure, there’s no way to transport him to the toilet, without him having a chance to escape?”, Thor asked.

 

Agent Romanoff nodded.

 

“Well, I know my brother’s limits well. He won’t be able to last much longer. I need to help my brother. He’s done damage to your world, but he doesn’t deserve humiliation. I suggest we lower a bucket through the ceiling of the cage. You can close the roof in mere moments.”

 

Fury came in, asking Thor about the hopping. He clarified the reason, the fact that his brother was now in dire straits, and the suggested solution.

 

“What I don’t get is why he didn’t ask for the bathroom, BEFORE the cage? And don’t tell me ‘he didn’t need to go then’ ”, Fury asked.

 

Cap and Thor both gave him a look, as that happened to be EXACTLY the reason. Fury rolled his eyes.

 

The four of them agreed on Thor’s bucket idea. They proceeded to lower a bucket down into Loki’s cell. As soon as Thor left his brother and he saw the camera switch off, Loki ran to the bucket, unzipped and let loose, to his immense relief. Loki decided he’d 100% ask for his brother’s assistance if caught short while imprisoned again. While Cap would keep an eye out for Loki, the rest of his stay at SHIELD, albeit unnecessarily, as the Helicarrier was hit by Hulk-mania shortly after..

 

The End.


	2. The Car

Loki was sitting in Carol Danvers’ car next to Steve. Ever since he had joined the Avengers in the battle against Thanos, and become part of the team, he had felt very at home with these lovely high-powered weirdos. No mystery why. Right at this moment, however, as he was waiting for them to reach the UN for an official debriefing about alien life in the universe, and their threat level, the semi-Frost Giant found himself quite uncomfortable. But it wasn’t his company, he liked both. A righteous soldier with a past of being bullied for being small, and the Tesseract miracle. Nice bunch. Plus, Carol owned a Flerken, which Odin never let him get as a child because they were “ too much of a hassle”. No, his discomfort was caused by biology. Specifically, his bladder. Loki Odinson needed to urinate. He squirmed slightly in his seat, taking advantage of the room between him and Cap. He crossed his legs at the ankles, not wanting to give away his mildly embarrassing dilemma. Steve noticed Loki’s squirming. He wasn’t born yesterday, nor the yesterdays of 70 years prior, for that matter. There really was only one reason to squirm in a car seat. 

  
“Loki, do you need to go to the bathroom?” Cap asked, comfortingly.

 

The God of Mischief blushed. “Yes,” he answered simply. 

 

“Hey, Carol. Can you pull over at gas station?” he asked the other Captain in the car.

 

“I thought you went last time. How fast  _ is  _ your metabolism?” Danvers asked with a chuckle. 

 

“Not  _ that  _ fast. It’s not for me, it’s for Loki” Steve clarified. 

 

One glance at the charming Asgardian prompted him to blush further and look down shyly at the ground. ‘He does look uncomfortable. And cute.’ thought Carol. 

 

Captain Marvel proceeded to check the GPS. It showed no places to stop, as they were in between the few semi-secret government buildings on the highway before you reach the part of the city the UN building is in, so no gas stations. 

 

“Sorry Loki looks like there’s nowhere for me to stop. We’ll be at the UN soon though.”

 

Loki frowned at the bad news. “Exactly how long is  _ soon?” _ he asked, annoyed. 

 

“About 20 mins” she replied. 

 

Loki smiled optimistically and looked out of the window.

 

Just 2 minutes later, Carol stopped the car. In front of the car were 20-30 clearly marked diplomatic vehicles. At this point, Loki had put one leg on top the other, to help him hold it in. He was quite uncomfortable. “I don’t suppose there’s any way you could blast these cars out of the way?” Loki asked Carol semi-sarcastically. “No, Loki, that would  _ definitely  _ bring back the Sokovia Accords,” she said with a grin. 5 minutes later, Loki is getting really desperate. His right hand is grabbing his crotch, legs still crossed, now shivering, with his left hand nervously tapping at the edge of the car window. “Still no sign of this chock-a-block opening?” he asked desperately. Goose jumped out of his seat, to sit next to Loki, purring sympathetically. 

 

“How are you holding up?” Steve asked. 

 

“Not great, at this rate wet trousers is seeming  _ really _ likely,” Loki replied. 

 

“Alright. Emergency protocol. Can you or can you not wait, like 40 mins?” Carol asked. 

 

“Oh, definitely can’t. You see where my hand is, right?” Loki remarked, squeezing his crotch harder as proof. 

 

Before Carol could offer Loki a solution, Thor appeared on the SHIELD standard vehicle communication screen. “Hello? Have I reached miss Danvers?” Thor asked, not familiar with Asgardian tech. 

 

“If this is another story about surfing the Bifrost waterfall, this is  _ very much _ not the time!” Loki snapped at his brother. 

 

“I am aware, brother. Heimdall saw your agony. Carol, is there anywhere you could stop for my brother?”

 

“Sorry, no. I’m blocked in. Best guess is we’ll be at the UN in 40 mins. And Loki can’t handle that. I don’t know what to do.” Carol informed him.

 

“Do you have a bottle?” Thor asked. 

 

“Yes, I do. This big enough?” Carol asked, grabbing a large bottle and showing it to him.

 

“That will do wonderfully! Look, brother!” Thor exclaimed, smiling brightly. 

 

“No no no no no no NO! No way! Absolutely not!” Loki protested vehemently. Steve grabbed the bottle and gave it to Loki.

 

“Come on Loki, you don’t wanna wet your pants out of pride,” Steve said, attempting to convince him. 

 

“Oh, it’s way more than just pride” Loki huffed. 

 

“I’ll sing mother’s song for you. It’ll be fine brother,” Thor reassured him. At that, Loki blushed down to his neck, covered his head in his lap. Then nodded assertively at his brother. He signalled for Cap to look away, then unzipped, and got in position. 

 

“Ready brother. Start the music,” he prompted happily. Thor obediently started singing. It had barely been two seconds before a combination of loud pee noises and equally loud moans of relief could be heard from Loki. It felt so good to finally pee. Thor stopped at hearing the stream subside, and Loki zipped up and put the cap back on the bottle. “Thanks, brother,” Loki said gratefully. “You’re welcome, brother,” Thor replied. 

 

“Wow, that song really worked, huh, Loki?” Carol commented, laughing. He smirked nostalgically in response.

 

“It always has,” Thor interjected, “We learned it from our mother, Frigg when we were children. We went on a family camping trip to Vanaheim at three years old. Naturally at that age, and considering our upbringing, tinkling in nature, was difficult. So to help us get comfortable with it, my mother put two buckets in front of me and my brother. She had us pull down our undergarments, with our nethers “ready” for action, as it were,”. At this point, both Thor and Loki giggled at the memory. “She sang the song you just heard to us both, to make us pee. It not only worked, but it also worked almost instantly on my brother. It had the same instantaneous, and excessive effect you just heard. Full stream in 2 seconds. My brother always loved that song when we were tiny. Isn’t that right brother?” Thor hinted at his brother. 

  
“Yes. Well, why wouldn’t I? There’s a reason it still works. Better diuretic than any drug in this realm,” Loki said with a sigh, leaning back in relaxation. Seeing his brother content, Thor hung up the video call. The two captains and the trickster god enjoyed the peace and quiet for the remaining 40 minutes. At the end, Cap told a story of a time when  _ he  _ really had to pee at a  _ very _ inconvenient time… but that’s another story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to hear Cap's funny story? Tell me in the comments! Enough votes, and I'll write it as chapter 3!


	3. Cap's Story

“Why didn’t you go before you left?” Cap asked Loki. 

 

“Didn’t need to,” Loki stated. 

 

“That really shouldn’t be your only reason to go the bathroom” Steve pointed out. 

 

“Easy for you to say, you’re human. My bladder may not be as big as Thor’s, but it’s certainly not Frost Giant sized. Always going before I leave would be pointless. I only ever need the loo once every few days. 

  
“Well, then you better start counting the days, otherwise it’ll happen again, and you might not be so lucky..” Steve said, almost nostalgically. 

 

“Happen to you before, has it?” Loki asked with a smirk.

 

“Yes, it has. And believe me, my timing was way worse than yours,” Steve admitted, honestly. 

 

“Worse than being in a car with two superheroes and a cat from space? I find that hard to believe.” Carol interjected, Goose meowing happily at being mentioned. 

 

“You will by the end of this story. Just, try not to laugh too hard alright?” 

 

Loki, Carol and Goose nodded, the latter making a “cross my heart” gesture with her paw.

 

Steve began his story. 

 

**It was back in the 40s, while I was training at the army base in New Jersey. I got recruited by dr. Erskine, the guy who made the Super Serum. It was the day I got injected with the Serum. For some reason, maybe I slept in or something, I don’t know, I got in the car with Peggy right after waking up. The mistake there, was that it means I didn’t go to the bathroom. I hadn’t had any fluids the day before, per Erskine’s instruction, so I didn’t realize. Not until I was already locked in the pod, right before the procedure. I actually asked him if I had time to go, which he obviously didn’t take seriously.**

  
  


[1941, Super Serum Lab]

Erskine: ‘ _ Steven? Can you hear me?’ _

Steve: ‘ _It’s_ _probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?’_

Erskine(nodding):  _ ‘We will proceed.’ _

 

**Next thing I know, I’m buff, fast, and chasing a Hydra guy through the streets of Brooklyn. The guy tried to escape in a submarine, so I had to dive after him in the cold water. I don’t know if my bladder was made temporarily smaller, or if it was the liquid in the serum, but I had to go** **_really bad._ ** **Combined with the cold water, I was uncomfortable enough that I didn’t want to have to chase him with that on my mind. So, as you do when in the water, I just** **_went,_ ** **right then and there. It was like multitasking. Swim towards the bad guy, pee, beat up the bad guy, pee some more. I had to stop little over halfway through going, to drag him out the water. But it helped a lot. None of the people who met me at the docks afterwards, noticed. All in all, I think that was the most satisfying pee I’ve had so far.**

 

The story left both Carol and Loki laughing almost-hysterically. Almost. Steve chuckled at himself. 

 

“I can see why. Weeing in water’s great. Especially since it’s slightly bad..” Loki said with a grin, kindly teasing Steve. 

 

“So, yeah, Loki. You  _ definitely  _ need to think ahead, I know what happens when you don’t, better than anyone.” Steve told Loki, as an attempt at the “moral of the story”. 

 

“Aye aye, captain,” Loki replied, resolutely.

  
  


“Yeah, good on you, Loki,” Carol said, pleased at his change of attitude. 

 

The rest of the car ride went smoothly. The End.


End file.
